It's been awhile, hasn't it?

"Baby, don't give up,
cause we're the kind of folks who will always live
right around the corner from somethig big...

Cause it's been one of those kinds of days
and I feel so out of place
and I hate everything
everything
I hate everything but you."

I've been listening to Derek Webb a lot lately, and these are the lyrics from a song off his new album, and somehow it just connects with me. To tell the truth, it's been "one of those kinds of days" for as long as I can remember. And it seems that it's been like that for a great many people here in Auburn.

AAAARGHHHHHHH!!!!

It hurts so much to be alive!!!

I have no one to talk to, no one to be real with, no one who understands me, no one who sees the world like I do...

and perhaps it's my fault.

And my thinking and my writing become nothing more than the yell/scream of a soul in need of care. A soul in need of grace. I keep wondering, "am I cut out for what I'm doing in my life."

I was talking to a good friend the other day about how there are days that I just want to quit life. You know, abandon everything, move across the country, and start over as an entirely new person. I'm so tired of the expectations of who I am place on me by those around me, but mostly by myself.

I remember when I was real. When I attempted to go everywhere and do everything in the real. Something has changed in me. I just want to hide. I don't want to be known, but I want to be known.

Oh Jesus, I am yours, save me.